I understand that we are different, and that our paths may have lead us to believe certain things that others might find incorrect or downright ludicrous, but it hurts me to see discourse dissolve into petty bickering, backstabbing and infighting. To see someone else's heartfelt thoughts and ideas mocked and dismissed like what they hold dear is merely trash. This will get us nowhere, and will continue to widen the already significant divide in this country.

I don't know that there is a "Perfect System" or if the way we're doing things is the best way, but it's worked for more than 200 years now. We may not be the world player that we once were, but let's face it, there's always going to be a young upstart that rises up to take the reins. Maybe it's just that our time has past.

It is my sincere hope that we never live in a strictly run, one-party system. No one should have that kind of power, and when they do, I think we can all agree that it never ends well. We have a government that runs on compromise, and we need to remember that when times get tough. That's when we need to remember that most! How can we overcome the troubles that plague us when we can't come to the table as equals with a common goal in mind and a steadfastness to see that it gets accomplished, even if the details need some serious hammering out? At this point we can't even agree on the type of table to use, for cripes' sake!

I'm in no way saying that we need to all be buddy-buddy, but tone back on the rhetoric just a tad. This is the main reason I tend to avoid politics. It makes me tired and sad, but then I suppose this too has most likely been going on for 200 or so years. Is that it? Is the hallmark of democracy being able to call your opponent a fool or a hypocrite or a Nazi or a Fascist and not get taken to task for it? Has this divide always been there and it's only in this age of Fox News and bloggers that it's come to a head? If so, then maybe we aren't doing this the right way, but then is there a "right way", or are we simply stumbling along through history, making our way from one decade to the next, amazed that we've not yet annihilated all humanity in a ball of fire?

Deep down, I think we're better than that. I think that, despite how much some of us might hate others of us, the vast majority long for the survival of us all, and that in the longing comes the ability to compromise. I fear that when we lose that virtue we may not be able to step back from the abyss, but we've had a fairly decent track record, with some notable exceptions, up until now, so I'm not too worried.

There are those that would tell you that to compromise is to show weakness. They are the true fools among us, and they are the ones that would seek to bring down ruination on all our heads. No, compromise does not equate to weakness, instead the opposite is true. To concede a point or two in the short-run, with the knowledge that what you do today will impact generations to come, that is strength in its purest form, and the people who run this still great land need to remind themselves of that from time to time if we're to have any hope of seeing 300 years.

With that out of the way, get to the table and get a Vikings' stadium deal done! ...let's use the mahogany one this time... it's classy...

Just watched the first episode of Touch with Julie. Not bad, but I'm worried that the premise won't hold an audience. Also, what's with airing the pilot in January and then making us wait until the middle of March to see the rest of the series? Seems like a silly gimmick to me, but then that's the M.O. for most of the networks these days. Hopefully it doesn't suffer from "Lie to Me" syndrome. That show was good for about a season, then the bit got old. I miss shows that tell a good story, and don't rely on the "Plot of the Week" method of show-making.

I know I'm way behind the times here, but I should really watch Lost sometime. From what I can see, that wasn't at all episodic (save for it being run in episodes :-) ) but instead told a (somewhat) cohesive story from beginning to end. There needs to be more TV like that, but that means you have to keep watching, and you also have to get in on the ground floor. I think the reason I didn't watch Lost is that I didn't ever start. To be honest, the first episode, with the plane crash, that's like my worst nightmare, and it put me off the series. I also worry about sci-fi shows. The networks have a way of taking something promising, homogenizing it down to something that appeals to more of the masses, and subsequently ruining it for everyone involved: see, Jericho, Terminator, Dollhouse, Firefly (thank you, Fox, for those last three).

It's hard to commit to a show when you worry that it's going to get the axe just when things start getting good, so I've been slow to jump onto series like Fringe, although that appears to have had some staying power. Again though, and granted I've never watched a full episode, but it seems to have the same formula as the X-Files. That reeked of taking the past and rehashing it for a new generation because it worked well before. I understand that there's always going to be some of that, but we shouldn't be afraid to try new things. Then you've got shows like Alcatraz, Numbers, and the Mentalist. Like the aformentioned Lie to Me, they have a gimmick, a premise that sets up weekly plots that are all nicely self-contained. You can miss an episode or two, and it doesn't really matter in the long-run.

Which brings me back to Touch. The idea is that there's a kid who, using the Fibonacci Sequence somehow, can predict when and where bad things are going to happen, and it's his dad's job to see that they don't. On the surface of it, that's the kind of simply plot development I was just deriding, but in my mind they could do so much more with that. They talk about deep, intricate connections, the "red thread" that connects everyone you'll ever encounter to you. You can have the episodic stories, but why not take it further? Why not have an encompassing story the spans the life of the series, that literally brings all the threads together?

It is an interesting concept for a series, but right now that's all it is. I'll keep watching, but I hope the creative people behind this understand the potential of the egg their incubating, otherwise we'll have yet another in a long line of interesting concepts that fizzle out about after about thirty episodes and leave you wondering what could have been. Yes, I know it's just TV we're talking about here, but it can be more than that. I can get your mind buzzing and your imagination humming if they do it right. Here's hoping that's the case with Touch.

For more than a decade's worth of long, dusty years there's been a box in the upstairs closet of the Cabin. For all I know it could have been sitting up there since the day we moved into the place. It's a box filled with memories in the form of pictures. For me, they represent the first half of my life; the first phase if you will. They go from just before I was born right up to the accident that took mom and Lexie from us. The last of them was taken mere minutes before the wreck.

It's been on my plate to go through all of these for a long time, I'd just never gotten around to it, but it occurred to me earlier this spring that if those pictures stayed in that closet too long they were going to get so old and faded that there would be no way to save them, so I lugged the whole mess home and for the past couple weeks I've been slowly but surely digitizing them all.

To call the process arduous would be an understatement. I have to gently remove the photos from the ancient albums they've been in all this time without having them stick or tear, run them through the scanner, and make sure they're all properly aligned and without lines or blobs on the digital side. On top of that, most of these pics are all out of order, so getting them into my PC is actually going to be the easy part. After that comes categorizing, and that could take months to complete!

I'm not complaining though. Far from it, honestly. It's been a joy to rifle through all these old memories, giving each the time it deserves and making sure it'll be around for future generations to peruse. There are so many wonderful shots of not only my family, but also my friends and my extended relatives. Aunts, uncles, cousins; all smiling back at me from the pages of the past. Yes, it's been emotional at times, but it's also been a bit cathartic. I haven't seen a lot of these in more than fifteen years, and it's been an incredible journey of remembrance.

The whole experience made me realize once again how lucky I've been in life, to have had such a great family for as long as I did. All those birthday parties and Christmases and camping trips and BBQs, they all left an indelible mark on me and made me come to see the things that are truly important, truly good. It's also given me hope that maybe someday I'll be able to look back fondly on the pictures from the second phase of my life, my married years, without the negative emotions I still carry somewhat. Who knows how long that will take though.

I'm sure you've all got boxes of photos, boxes of memories, lying around your house somewhere. Surely you mom does, not to mention your grandma! It's work, yes, but you should take the time to gather those boxes up, get a decent little scanner, and get them all digitized. You, and your kids, and their kids, will thank you someday.

Hi everyone!

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted on here. I really don't have any excuse, save for just not having a whole lot of motivation to write. That's plain silly! We should all be motivated to write! And me especially! It's been a crazy few months around here. First off, I managed to finish an entire "year" of school. Took three classes over two semesters and got a couple B's and an A. Not bad for a guy who hadn't been in a desk in more than five years. I've also managed to stay on top of my marathon training, even if I haven't been as successful in losing weight as I might have wanted to be.

The best thing though, the wonderful thing that happened to me is Julie.

Most of you know by now, but back in March I started dating Julie and I can honestly say I haven't been this happy in years. She's so great! She's going to read this and get all blushy, I know, but it has to be said. She's cheerful and upbeat, very positive. She's pretty and has a gorgeous smile. We have so much fun together and it's getting harder and harder for us to even be apart. It's been a blast having her in my life.

We've known each for about a year now, actually. My step-mom, Patty, introduced us back when we were both going through our divorces. For the longest time she and I would commiserate about the joys of having a crazy ex, and it was great to have someone who really understood what you were going through. After a while we started going out more, wanting to see each other more, and then one day we realized we were in love. It's all felt so natural and right, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

I'd like to say that I'm going to try to write more, but short of gushing about how great Julie is, I've been puttering through a massive case of writer's block, so who knows when I'll get back on here again, but I had to pop in and blab a bit about what's been going on around here. Hope you're all doing well and have a great summer!

Hi kids! Sorry for the general lack of writing as of late. Life's been crazy funky fun and I haven't had a whole lot of time to sit down and peck away at the keyboard, but I've had this one rolling around in my noggin for a while now. A few weeks back I was listening to Pandora, which just happens to be the most amazing website that's ever existed by the way, and in the sidebar there was an ad for Hamline University. The ad seemed innocuous enough, but on closer inspection the wording they used seemed to be implying that they could teach you to be a good writer.

Upon seeing this I shouted "shenanigans" and went to get my broom.

This seems like such a fallacy to me; that you could possibly teach someone to be a writer. Now if they were saying that they can teach you the fundamentals of writing, that would be a different story. Things like sentence structure, proper punctuation, correct word usage; those can be taught, but to write... that's something entirely different. You cannot teach pathos, you cannot instruct someone in finding their voice. Those are either things you have, or you do not.

By writing this I am by no means trying to insinuate that I posses any of those vital elements. In fact, despite what many of my peers and family tell me to the contrary, I still think I'm pretty much a hack who leaned a lot of big words and can come up with semi-coherent ways to string them together, but I do think I've developed a knack at recognizing good writing, and with even that limited scope, I can guarantee that there is no class on Earth capable of imparting that knowledge.

You could spend years teaching the fundamental mechanics of writing, but if there is no heart, no spark to light the way down whatever path the author intends to take you, what have you accomplished? All you'd really have is a robot that can spew out very correct sentences. You could name him Wordtron!

Have you ever thought about what you would do if you woke up one morning to find that, through some form of mental illness or just the general realization of your pure awesomeness, the peoples of the world had chosen you to be their new ruler? Now what you say is law, what you wish for is made real. Would you rule with compassion, or would you instead seek your own pleasure and put your subjects towards doing your whims?

Me, I'd have a gigantic palace. I mean huge. We're talking enormous. There'd be gardens and fountains and maybe some lasers. I'd have insane parties there and anyone who wanted to come could. The rich would mingle with the poor and everyone would have a blast. I love parties. I'd put a large emphasis on things like science and art and music with the hopes of making technological leaps and bounds alongside a new renaissance in culture and creativity. But then that's just me. What I really wonder is what my friends would do with that kind of power.

What would Jeremy do with the world in his hands? Would puns become the new form of language? Were Natalie the ruler of us all would she outlaw spicy food? If we put Nathan in charge would we all be driving stereos disguised as cars like my old Blazer? Would any of them fail miserably? I'm not going to name names, but I have the feeling some would excel at it more so than others. Would war, famine, pestilence and death be quick on the heals of the coronation of certain folks? I sincerely hope that isn't the case, but who knows? I suppose some of us would be utterly terrible at ruling though.

Then of course all you think about is the fun stuff, the enlightenment and the joy you could spread. What doesn't occur to you are the logistics. Making sure everyone is fed, has clean water, access to education, competent local officials, that kind of thing. Would you delegate that out the people around you? Now there's another thought. Would Ben make a good finance minister? How about Dani in the role of education czar? Ugh, this is tougher than I thought it was going to be!

I suppose it's a good thing I'm not the king. I wouldn't be able to spend Wednesday nights in my sweats, playing Dragon Age, that's for sure. Now where's the fun in that!?

In a couple short months it will be a year since my ill-fated marriage came to its will-publicized conclusion. During the intervening months I've tried to stay away from the topic despite its almost constant front row seat in my brain, but I've had some thoughts that I wanted to get down on paper, as it were, and out of my addled mind.

Almost since the day she walked, I've been looking for someone new. I've been on dating sites and have actually gone out with close to a dozen or so really nice girls. Each date has been fun and memorable in its own right, but in each and every case I've walked away with the same empty feeling. There was nothing there. Not even the slightest hint of butterflies or the desire, emotional or physical, to see them again. I kept asking myself why this was, why it seemed like I was devoid of feeling. They were all great girls that I could have seen myself at least dating for a little while, so why, after the first date, did I seem that all I wanted to do was run away?

I've found out recently that with solitude comes a simplicity to life that allows you to fully examine the complexity within your own soul, to separate the dross from the nuggets of gold, and in the grasp of this epiphany I was able to see that, in all these months of trying to find something new, I was merely postponing truly addressing what I experienced last spring.

I don't think I understood how devastating that was, and how much of it I still carry around with me to this day. Every morning I'm reminded of the fact that she's gone. Every day I still feel the sting of betrayal or taste the bitterness of loss. I don't miss her or what she became, but I do miss what we once had. I miss coming home to a hug and a kiss, making dinner together, going on walks in the twilight. I miss those things, damn it, and by spending all that time telling myself I didn't, that I didn't need her anymore and that I was glad to have her out of my life, I was putting off the real healing, the real work of putting her in my past and moving on with my future.

For these reasons I've decided to step back from the whole dating thing and take some time to live my life on my own terms for a bit. Yes, I miss her and that life we once had. I enjoyed our time together, and to this day it still surprises me to hear people ask me what I ever saw in her, or why I was so sad to see her go, and while I do miss what we once had, I do not miss what she turned into, nor would I ever, under any circumstances, take her back again. That's over and done and shall never return. I could never trust her again, nor could I look her in the eye without remembering how she took not only my heart, but also one of my best friends, away from me. I don't want her back, yet I also don't know if I want something new right now. I don't think I'm ready for that. It feels like I'm trying to replace her with a better model, and that's not love. That's fear of growing old and dying alone.

You have no idea how hard it was for me to admit these things, for me to take that step back and really look at what I'd been doing all this time. This is probably the mule-headed part of me talking, but doing so felt like she'd won. It felt as though I was still in the limbo she'd left me stranded in the day she walked out the door. I understand that isn't the case, that I've come a long ways from the broken husk she discarded, but let's face it, I've got a lot of work to do.

I'm not a mess anymore. I don't spend time lost in angst, filled with ennui, and bawling my eyes out. There was a time when I was there, when I thought that's what you needed to do to heal. That isn't healing though, that isn't even grieving, that's just shock and raw emotion taking over, provoking an almost primal reaction. No, I think what I'm doing now, what I've been able to choose to do with my life at this point, I think that's the start of healing. This is all new ground to me, and I don't know if I'm doing it right or not, but there must be something to it.

I'm sleeping again, better than I have since shortly after moving into this house to be honest. I feel good when I wake up, like I don't have the weight of the world on my back. I'm dealing with the fact that I miss her still, and that I'm sad our marriage, and to a greater extent, our friendship, ended the way it did. I know a lot of people didn't, but I like her company for the most part. I'm even dealing with the fact that I miss him! He was the best Frisbee player I knew! These are things that I'd pushed away, things that forced themselves into my head the harder I tried to not think about them, and I did myself a huge disservice by not dealing with them.

There are some that would say it's unhealthy to write like this, especially in such a public forum. That doing so will only push away any potential dates. Frankly, where I am right now, I don't really care. I wouldn't subject a nice girl to what I am these days. Yes, I've found what I hope will be the path to proper healing and enlightenment, yet I've taken but the first sips of that sweet reservoir, and from where I'm standing I can't even see the opposite shore.

At first this felt like I was quitting, like things had gotten hard so I was ducking out of the game, taking my ball, and going home. I felt like a coward, too afraid of getting hurt again to even try taking a leap. This isn't quitting though. I will someday be a good husband and father. I will bounce my grand-babies on my knee while we gather around for Thanksgiving dinner. I'll just be a little more bald than I once thought I'd be by then. It's going to take time though, and trying to hurry it along is what got me into this mess in the first place, so I don't really know just how much time that will be.

What I do know is that I feel more like myself than I have in years. I'm not trying to be the non-existent man she wanted me to be, and I'm not trying to jam my way through the healing process of her leaving. When I do find someone new, someone whose eyes my make heart flutter and whose scent makes me slightly dizzy, I want to be the person I know is somewhere inside of me. It's just going to take time. Please, let me have my time, and someday I'll make something of myself, and of this life of mine, that we can all be proud of.

I should just start randomly spewing lines from songs like this was 1998... or the first couple years of my blog. That was dumb. Now I can't tell what any of that stuff was about from the titles alone. I can usually tell you what song the line is from though... and that brings a memory... and the memory is a story.

Take for instance that line up there "Everybody called him Lucky..." for me, whenever I hear that song I remember going to Ben's house in my first car, an old Blazer. That thing was the epitome of stereo perfection. That song will always be early summer, windows down, music up loud. There's dust in the air 'cause it's been dry, and when the sun sets it still gets a little chilly. Not enough to need a coat, mind, but I might pop in the house for a long-sleeve shirt quick. Chances are there was ice cream involved at some point in the evening, and maybe a movie, but it's late now, and Ben's gotta get home or his mom's gonna be ticked.

Ben still doesn't have a car, or even his license for that matter, but it's all good 'cause I don't mind running him home. Gives me a chance to listen to some tunes, and since I got this CD recorder I don't have to change discs anymore! You have no idea what this thing cost me, but it was totally worth it. Kinda bites that at least two of every ten discs I try to record on die, but it's still a good deal. Tomorrow Nathan and I are gonna mow the Cove. It's just getting to the point that that grass is getting long in between mowings, but that's fine. Makes you feel like you're actually doing something when you're out there, walking behind that behemoth.

This weekend we're going up to the Cabin. Nothing special, we all just really love it up there. I still can't believe dad and Patty bought that place. It's got a hot tub! You can't go wrong with that! I think I'll drive out there myself. I waited so long to get my license that I like to go driving whenever I get the chance. Gives me time to listen to good music like this. Storyville's a pretty decent band. I should see if they have anymore CDs...

...all that from a song lyric. Again, the power of music never ceases to amaze me. For a second there it really was 1998 all over again.

Last week I got to know a new friend quite well. Her name is Tiffany, and although we've never met; we've never actually even heard each others voices, I feel like I've known her for much longer than the two weeks it's only been. In that time we've used all sorts of mediums of communication, and I've noticed that there are a lot of subtle differences in the way we talk to one another depending on the form it takes.

For instance, we started with e-mail. These began as short little "get to know you" notes and evolved into something that almost got out of hand! These e-mails got to be so long that I found myself having to write them in parts whenever I had a little free time. I was seriously considering adding chapter breaks and a table of contents just to make things easier. This is a wonderful way to get to know someone, but it can be exhausting, and if you're not careful, can leave you burnt out quickly. Luckily we seem to have moved past the epic opus portion.

Next came that modern marvel, the text message. I was never a texter. In fact, when I used to see people doing it, I would snicker and revel in my high moral standards. Why, if someone wanted to talk to me, they could call me on the phone or we could get together. None of this mindless pecking at a tiny keyboard spewing acronyms and what not. That was of course before I learned how much you can get done while you're still texting someone. I'll have dinner, do the dishes, watch the news and feed the cats, all while carrying on a stimulating conversation. The only downside to this is the numbness that seems to be creeping into my index finger, which is the only one I use when I text. Might have to learn to use my thumbs...

Both of these methods have their drawbacks though. With the e-mails, I tend to get long-winded and wordy (pipe down in the peanut gallery) and in the texts I sometimes find my language diluted down to things like "This city has tall buildings. I like food." There is one thing I have found that works quite nicely though, and mind you, this is only in loo of actually calling, or getting together with someone, which will always be the best way to go. Barring that, good old fashioned chats seem to serve the purpose admirably. You have more of your attention on the subject, you're at a keyboard which makes it easier to type, and you can see the threads of the conversation more clearly. For my money, it's the closest thing to actual talking I've found.

Looking back over this whole entry makes me feel like an anti-social hermit trying to get to know people from the safety of my basement, but it's hard when you're both busy with work and school and life and such, so you do what you have to, and you make it work the best way you know how. It takes some doing sometimes, but in the end, hopefully it'll all be worth it. At the very least, you get to learn about someone and maybe find out a little more about yourself too, and I swear my typing is getting better every day.

Unless you've been under the curse of a sorcerer for the past three centuries, you know that tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday. I usually love the Super Bowl! It's a fun game, and it's an excuse to get my friends over for a big party. This year will be no different in that regard. I'm expecting a full house, and we're having tacos. Is there anything greater than a huge plate of tacos, a widescreen TV blaring football, and a bunch of your pals whooping it up? Yeah, didn't think so. There's this problem with this year's game though.

I suppose you're probably thinking "Oh, he's talking about the Packers! Well they'll probably get their butts handed to them anyway, so that shouldn't matter too much." and it wouldn't, but the team they're playing happens to be the Steelers! I don't really have all that much animosity for the AFC, but the Steelers have always bugged me. They're like those guys that win all the time and you know you shouldn't feel bad about it because they try hard and all that, but it just doesn't seem fair! They're got, what, six rings in their history? And the last time they won was that heartbreaking game a couple years ago when they beat the Cardinals in the last seconds.

Now I'm faced with this dilemma of who to cheer for. One on hand, if the Packers lose, I'll have something to gloat about to all those cheeseheads when they finally come back to work on Tuesday, but if they Steelers lose then all I'll get for the next six months is sass about Brett Favre and all the nonsense you have to deal with to be a Vikings fan. You know, the worst part about all of this is how close we came to being where the Packers are now last season, and we would have won it all too. We would have DISMANTLED the Colts. It would have been ugly.

Ugh, I don't know what I'm going to do! I'm so conflicted! ...wait a minute, no I'm not. I hate the Packers! Go Steelers!